The Greater Wine and Cheese Cask Area is the hip, metrosexual neighborhood that people from Porter and points north dream about biking through. Reservations at its many restaurants are competitive, with foodies known to book first-class flights from as far as North Cambridge to arrive on time. Parking spots are scarce and competition is fierce, with decisions on who gets a spot often coming to blows, or worse, based on whoever has the highest graduate degree. Those who do not live here may assume this is a normal neighborhood. In fact, its residents use a variety of covert signals to let each other know who’s in and who’s out. I’m here to pull back the curtain so you can fit in.
We communicate in a dialect known as Gwaccanese.
Ever heard someone in the Gwacca speak another language? Ever had the cashier not understand your order? Chances are their first language is Gwaccanese. Of course, most of us speak Somerville English for practical purposes, but we’re proud of our dialect. It is unintelligible to most English speakers – save for in some Union Square enclaves – and can be hard for new speakers to pick up. For example, “gwacc” means either “yes” or “no,” depending on the speaker’s inflection.
The fastest way to bike through Inman Square is the wrong way.
Want to know the fastest way to get from the Gwacca to East Cambridge? It can take two or more minutes for a cyclist to go legally down Hampshire Street and make a left onto Cambridge Street, time we don’t have. True Gwacca-heads do it this way: Turn left and cross Hampshire during the pedestrian light. Bike the wrong way down the bike lane. The pedestrian signal to cross Cambridge Street by 1369 will turn on just as you reach it. Voilà, you have shaved two minutes off your commute. This skip has not been patched yet and is very reliable.
The Wine and Cheese Cask has a secret menu.
Ask the sommelier for the “Fortnite Wine” or the counter tender for the “Travis Scott Cheese.” They’ll know what you mean. (Be sure to say CSI sent you.)
The DeWire garage hosts raves.
Head to 387 Washington St. at midnight on a Thursday and say “Gwacca” three times. The creepy garage door will rumble open, and you’ll have the night of your life.
The 109 bus has a secret menu.
This one will surprise most people from out of town, but in fact, when the MBTA changed the bus number to 109, it installed deep fryers on the buses as part of a sustainability program. The drivers always have hot mozzarella sticks, sticky sesame wings and blooming onions ready to go. Just ask.
We have secret hand signals.
Next time you’re in Broadsheet, approach the counter, raise your hands, stick your thumbs in your ears and wiggle your fingers. For added effect, stick out your tongue. This is a major sign of respect in the Gwacca and will likely gain you access to the secret menu. Need a place to stay for the night? Walk up to someone’s front door and make the same gesture for the Ring camera. The owner will treat you to a glass of the finest Gwacca wine before tucking you into bed.
It’s a neighborhood of writers, artists and bohemians.
It’s said that the idea for Woodstock (and the ways it would go wrong) was conceived on the corner of Beacon and Washington streets. The Gwacca had a huge part in resistance to the Vietnam War, with protesters coming from as far as CHA Cambridge Hospital to express their opposition.
Acme Ice has a secret menu.
Few know that this place also serves ice cream. It’s just more of a “do-it-yourself” vibe.
All the businesses here are about to close.
Some bike lanes were installed on Washington Street, so it’s essentially a wrap for the Gwacca. After all, cars are the only way to get here. Expect this place to be a ghost town by 2028.
It is a sign of respect in the Gwacca to serve people food and take it away shortly after.
Should this happen to you, don’t worry – it is the restaurant’s way of sustaining your interest in its food and keeping you on your toes.
Did I miss or get something wrong? Shoot me an email. I don’t bite.
Nicholas Marchuk is a local author and engineer. His work is available at major retailers and on his website, nicholasmarchuk.com. Comments and questions can be directed to his contact form and may be responded to in this publication.
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