Many of us find apartment buildings scary. This seems reasonable, since tall things are more likely to cause damage should they fall. They also block the sun and drench the world in darkness. For these reasons, apartment buildings have been largely outlawed. Instead, Cambridge and Somerville residents depend on the Frank Lloyd Wrights of the world to turn run-down triple-deckers into works of art. As expensive as these homes are, most of the money seems to have gone to materials and labor, instead of architects or interior designers.
This style of architecture criticism was pioneered by Kate Wagner’s McMansion Hell blog, which focuses on the money-wasting habits of Middle America’s nouveau-riche (think car dealership owners).
I’m interested in learning what kind of architecture results when a software engineer marries a lab technician, so that’s what we’re going to look at.
This is a complete gut reno of an old Victorian. It has an addition on the side to make a second townhome. Except for the addiction to HGTV white and gray, this is a rather pleasant home, and I’d live in it. There is an argument that these renovations strip character (the house was previously cyan with a red door) and I think that is true as far as the uninspired interior design goes. This home (from the old photos of it) needed a lot of work to save it from the wrecking ball, though, which I imagine its neighbors will appreciate.
Few of these renovations have tried to correct the mistakes of architects past – the additions permitted 50 years ago that would never fly today – and this one is no exception. I am dying to know if the original home had a similar staircase. I’m obsessed with it. Another bonus is the fact that American homes are designed only to be viewed from the front; window placement on the sides and rear is a byproduct of the demands of the interior layout and thus randomized. There are also outstandingly sloppy choices that the real estate agent made with AI, and some peculiar choices for the interior (the paneling especially). Overall, I don’t like this apartment. It doesn’t seem very functional, and the finishes (giant stone fireplace! White on gray on white!) seem designed to look expensive rather than integrate with the home.
This one is a bit of an art project, and yes, I would kill to live here. The staging is, I hope, designed to help it sell rather than be practical, because what’s with all the seating? It’s a cool space, great for parties, but something is off. The finishes seem crappy under inspection: The wood starts to look cheap and uneven, the second bedroom has no door. The space seems like it was never lived in. I hope that whoever buys this home puts more thought into it.
If you can find and marry someone with a job, agree never to have kids and get that raise you are gunning for, you might be able to snag a home like this for yourself (or your tenants) in a few years. Keep your head down, work hard and never, ever hire an interior designer!
Nicholas Marchuk is a local author and engineer. His work is available at major retailers and on his website, nicholasmarchuk.com. Comments and questions can be directed to his contact form and may be responded to in this publication.
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